085 Finding Pleasure Alongside Grief with Joan Price
Sweet listeners, are any of you grieving? This week we are joined by the effervescent Joan Price, Author of Sex After Grief and several incredible senior sex guides. She brings such kindness and wisdom to us in this episode that spans from a near death experience at 35 to losing her beloved in 2008 and finding love and connection again after. Her teachings of gratitude, living each day like it could be your last, and staying up to date on your "i love you's" while simple and classic are incredibly potent and so well said. This conversation is incredibly rich and kind in the way it navigates grief, joy, and the ways they exist together.
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Find Joan's books, teachings, and resources at her website joanprice.com
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Sophia Wise One 00:01
Fire, woman retreat, spiritual transformation, sexual initiation and power. This is a retreat that I first went to as a participant of, and now I go as a participant and a collaborator, I am inviting you to come and join me. Deepen your education, deepen your experience. It's very experiential. I'm a very technical kind of experience based person. theory is great. And I love a good conversation, but really doing and tapping into it's incredibly important to me. And so as community, and this event has all of these things in beautiful proportions. Can you tell I'm a fan? I'm a huge fan, please check out the link below please consider giving yourself this gift of being charged up power recent heard and supported your sexuality is sacred and important and you are capable of being of alchemical transformational power center. And if you are already those things, come in hone it come and be in deep community. For me, one of the things that was so powerful to just be in such a sex positive space allowed some of the social stigma that I knew, in theory, it was like, I don't believe this. But it's so grounding and so nourishing to be sitting with other people who are committed to experiencing reality in a way that is honoring and holding and sacred and pleasurable. So please, check out the link check it out, would be so happy to have you there. And feel free to reach out to me or to reach out to imagines team with any questions that you may have about it. There is a frequently asked questions at the bottom of the page. So you can go check there and see if your question is there. Okay, so much love. so grateful. Alright, and this week's episode, here we go. I'm Samantha Rise, and welcome to Vagina Talks, where we speak about two from vaginas. This is a show of alchemy, where we turn poison into medicine, disconnection into wisdom and isolated wounds into communal peacemaking. Here's your host, Sophia Wise One. Do you already know everything that I could do to? Do you already know everything I could say? We are here to remind you but you already, already, already know. I just want to take a minute to acknowledge that Vagina Talks understands that gender is fluid and dynamic and goes way beyond the binary of either woman or man, she or him. And that, in fact, it's a living and evolving thing that's actually personal person to person. And that our bodies, even our understanding, or the ways that we experience them can vary. It's important for me that that's something that has space here on Vagina Talks. And at the same time, I also am carrying this understanding that woman hood and the experience of the feminine and all of the female, in the splitting of that binary has been injured has been hurt has been dismantled. And so I'm looking to have a space where the feminine and the female and the female body is reclaimed and respected and lifted and inspected and known, as well as a space that goes beyond the binary. And that acknowledges that these are limited constructs mostly put upon us, and that we're in the process of evolving into something more whole and more true. Just wanted to say that some of my guests will use incredibly binary language for whatever reason from the places that they come from. And I just wanted to let you know that Vagina Talks has a much wider understanding, and it's a living one. So feel free to chime in as we go along. Without further ado, today's episode. Welcome to vagina talks beloved's I am so grateful and honored for you to be with me here again today here and with me and an amazing guest. I'm like already beside myself. I just am beside myself. I'm excited. I'm honored. What a time. What a time to be alive. I'm going to have already all over the place. Okay. I'm going to tell you a little bit about our guest. I'm going to tell you a little bit. No, where do I start? Okay. All right. I'm going to tell you, this is who it okay. Joan Price calls herself an advocate for ageless sexuality. She is the author of four books about sex and aging, including the award winning naked at our age and talking out loud about senior sex. Joan Price is a legend among sex educators for knowledge and expansion and know how around what it is to keep vitality and, and yumminess going, what it what it requires just just what she is. She also is the author of sex after grief. And there are so many books about grief, and they almost never mentioned sex. And if they do, it's really kind of sidelines and sex after grief navigating your sexuality after losing your beloved, is the first book to address sex and grief together and treat sex as normal positive life a forming part of emerging from grief that's a huge part of grief or vitality our sexuality. Joan is known by the media as the voice of senior sex. Her award winning blog has been offering senior sex news views and sex toys reviews since 2005. At age 77, Joan continues to talk out loud about senior sex partnered or solo people. She's the co-creator of Jessica Drake's guide to wicked sex, senior sex, find Joan and her books and her blog and her massive knowledge base at joanprice.com. It's all there massive it's a lot. It's a resource.
Joan Price 06:17
I'm sorry, I shouldn't be laughing at your introduction, but you surprise me. Please continue.
Sophia Wise One 06:26
She is a treasure among treasures. And she is the incomplete embodiment of, of vulnerability, grace and sexiness vitality and beauty. Joan, I am just beside myself, I have been so delighted to bring you on the show and to share you and to share your your richness with my listeners. So please welcome to the show. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome.
Joan Price 06:51
Oh, thank you. I am thrilled to be here too. I appreciate this so much.
Sophia Wise One 06:57
I am just you know, I think one of the things I want to say is one of the things that I think both of us are pretty. I was you know very specific about it being like let's talk about sex after grief and your response being like, yeah, it's really important. Let's talk about that. And I just want to say like, senior sex is like, like, like, duh, like, everything in our life gets richer. And I had this epiphany when I was in my 20s, where I realized that I had thought that getting older just meant like you got less happy that I had this like on unconscious belief system that just getting older meant you got less happy. And that's when I decided that I was like, that's not going to be true. I'm going to get happier every year of my life. And go ahead.
Joan Price 07:42
I love that attitude. That is that is so precious. And I know that you have many years to go before you're my age, many decades to go before you're my age. But I hope you can keep doing that. And I hope each year you can look back and say, Yeah, I really was happier last year than the year before. And, and Yay, you go next year.
Sophia Wise One 08:06
Right? Exactly like building on it and that radical belief to like, flip that. And I so it's been an interesting thing to have that apply. And to ask those questions as I've done my sexuality, like reclamation and expansion and claiming to recognize that my happiness and my creativity, my vitality, my body pleasure, my Yeah, those ripples that that's part of that happiness. And so, you know, you coming into my life was definitely a part of reaffirming that happiness. And pleasure includes that, right that growth of just like, on and on and on and like, and I was thinking about this actually, I was just talking about you, with my with my sister before coming on. And I was just very excited about it. And, and I was saying that, Oh, I forgot where I was going with that. That's okay. But so anyway, it's just a great celebration. I'd love you to speak. I want I do I have questions about grief. I have questions about your story. I have questions about everything. And I also just want to say, why don't you just take a moment, Joan and just just share what's on your heart and mind in this moment. kind of bring yourself in a little bit if there's a story or if I've stirred something, I don't want to put you on the spot, but just an invitation to bring you in.
Joan Price 09:23
I love I love being on the spot. Okay, if you're on the spot, it means you can have a spotlight right?
Sophia Wise One 09:30
Take it away, Joan.
Joan Price 09:32
So so what I'm thinking with what you just said, is that in my own life being 77 now and happy to say that out loud. I don't know why people aren't I don't know why people think oh, no, I can't admit how old I am. I'm so happy about how old I am. I almost died before my 35th birthday. And maybe that gives me a different perspective on why every year brings so much more joy. But it does. And here I am more than doubling the number of years that I in some ways was meant to have. And each each year has brought me more self knowledge, more knowledge about other people more understanding about what I have to give and how to give it. And, and with that, I mean, both personally and professionally, not just sexually, but in all ways. Because we are an inter woven fabric of ways we relate in the world. It isn't just that we are a sex educator or a podcast or whatever it is. One thing is you're focusing on, we have all of these threads and all of these patches of our past of our present I had no idea was gonna say that. Look what you bring out in me already.
Sophia Wise One 10:55
Come on in. That's the Lynn darling.
Joan Price 10:57
This is your world right and I am tiptoeing through it.
Sophia Wise One 11:03
Welcome, welcome. So happy to have you here that. That I mean? Yeah, I mean, almost dying before the age of 35. They'll really change perspective on what it is to be alive, I imagine. Right? So that was not a small thing. That's a big thing.
Joan Price 11:22
It absolutely did. It was a huge thing. And part of it was really having to fight to come back to life. I made the diss You're such a spiritual person. I know you'll understand this and relate to it. But as I was dying, I did see my life flashing before me but not not episodically. I saw the people that I had loved, flashing before me, alive and deceased. And with each picture that flashed in front of my eyes, the question that I had to answer was, does this person know how much I love or love them? And if so, is it okay to go now? And I'm serious when you know, there was an old boyfriend, there was my mother, there were people in my life at the time there were just flashing flash flash flash. And each one I would go Yes, yes, yes. And I realized, I realized after that was done, and I decided, Okay, I could go now. But I don't want to, I want the rest of my life. And so I came back in my body. And this is something that I don't mind telling people about it. Although I know a lot of people will go, oh, how Whoo, you were just semi conscious and hallucinating. I don't know. It doesn't matter. What matters is the revelation that we do need to always be up to date in letting people know that we love them. We can't have, well, we'll patch up this argument tomorrow. Or I wonder if I should reconnect. And now I don't think that person even thinks to me anymore. Whatever it is, that stops us from being up to date and sharing the love we feel for people. It is our job, I think our job as people have been living to do that in any way we can. And at the time of this automobile accident. I was a high school English teacher. And months later, when I was ready to go back to teaching, I had many, many injuries. But when I was back in teaching, I shared the story with people. And the next day, students would come into my classroom and say things like, I told my mother I loved her and she cried. I mean, a 16 year old probably hasn't told her mother that she loved her for half a dozen year.
Sophia Wise One 14:06
Right.
Joan Price 14:08
And things like that happen. It's like there's a ripple. I do this and share it. Look what can happen. And in a way I you know, I feel I'm still living my life that way. What can I share that will have a ripple effect that will be a positive in people's lives. I didn't know I was gonna talk about that either. What did you do to me?
Sophia Wise One 14:33
How did you how do you how do you gain like clarity of self is the question that I want to say like knowing that we're continually evolving, right that there's a continuity of self right. There's like, there's a way in which it's like yeah, I've always been, there's an element that's like this is always kind of come along with me. I found that in my own kind of massive rebirth and transformation. It's like I'm more of myself afterwards even if there's a lot of me that's changed. There's like a trueness. But this notion of like, kind of getting clear about am I current like, how do you how do you check in? Do you do that consciously? Is that just a way of being now? Is that something you do on purpose? Or is it like just woven in? How do you know if you've? How do you know when you need to catch? Catch it?
Joan Price 15:25
I think it's all of those. At first, it was very deliberate. What if this was all the time I have? You know, what if this is going to be the next time that happens in this time, I won't come back to life. So at first, it was very deliberate. And then it became a habit, it became a way that made me happy to live. Because I felt in the present, I felt authentic. I attracted people who liked that in me, and I, and the people who didn't learn away. I mean, people went away. Let's be clear. People went away.
Sophia Wise One 16:07
Yeah.
Joan Price 16:08
People who didn't value authenticity, the way I did, or or were intimidated by the kind of communication that's important to me to have. And I don't mean a confrontational communication. But I mean, let's be clear. And here's where I am on what you just said, or did. And here's what I'd really love and how would that work for you? There are ways to be clear, and there are ways to be. I mean, there are ways to be assertive and ways to be aggressive. And I don't consider myself aggressive. But I, we don't ever know how much time we have. So why don't we live as if what we have is what we have?
Sophia Wise One 16:50
Yeah.
Joan Price 16:51
And then if there are things that need fixing, what are we waiting for? And I hear this from the people, my followers will sometimes Tell me. After my spouse died, I discovered all these secrets that went through his phone, whatever it might have been discovered these secrets. What could I have done differently, and they're feeling haunted by it? Sometimes they feel my relationship was a lie. No, it wasn't a lie, we just have secrets. And the more you can encourage people, to, to reveal themselves to be fully authentic with you will be based maybe on how you judge them, if they try it.
Sophia Wise One 17:39
Thrilled, some people.
Joan Price 17:40
Some people just won't want to do it. And maybe they're not the ones you want to be with. But the people who wish they could maybe that person who had secrets on his phone would have loved to tell you what those secrets were, but was scared. And in fact, the fact that in finding those secrets, you said our relationship was a lie. Maybe it was a good reason that he hid them. So I learned from so many people who confide in me what they wish they had done, or maybe what they don't know when they don't know what to do. And if I have good advice, or given if I just need to listen, I'll listen. I learn all the time from the people who come to me for advice. So it's always expanding. And I'm sure you find that too. We learn from everyone we interact with that.
Sophia Wise One 18:31
Yeah. It's so powerful, what you're talking about this this seat of authenticity and this notion of I just thinking about that, right? It's like the other the flip side of coming across something and just delighting in knowing more about someone, right? And then I saw the rest of them, right? Like, I wish I could have seen more of it or to just what it is to inherently trust someone in a way so that when you find their secrets, they're precious. Right? Like, that's, you know, that that is what I hear. It's like the the love story, the potential love story in that right that the, the the trusted kindness. And I was just this morning, just this morning, Joan and I was writing about, I was writing about, let's see, I have it right here. I started, I started to draw a flower and then got very quiet and very quiet and got very still and I am taking care of one of my...
