Episode 81

full
Published on:

15th Jan 2021

081 Centering Your Pleasure in Relationships with Marion Chloe Theis

Join Marion as she details her journey of finding love and sexual satisfaction through deep self-acceptance and self-discovery. A story of getting clear on who you are and what you want and then finding it and growing with it.

This show is for those who want to reclaim their confidence and power by discovering their own sensual practice. This is a journey of intense healing for those that are searching within themselves to connect with themselves and others. To feel within themselves wisdom and newfound bodily pleasurable experiences.  

In this episode, they discuss:

  • Self-discovery and BDSM
  • Reclaiming our power through trusting our feelings
  • Calling in love and a partner through knowing your self
  • Kink, sex, and emotional maturity

Resources

Instagram: @SophiaWiseOne

LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter: @SophiaWiseOne

Website: https://www.sophiawiseone.com/

Marion Chloe Theis 

Instagram: @MarionChloeTheis

Facebook page: @marionchloetheiscoaching

Website: https://www.marionchloetheis.com/

Quotes

33:32 

“A partner can bring you a lot of things. It can bring you your comfort, affection, sex, emotional fulfillment, but you have to be able, I believe, to bring these things to yourself, first and foremost.” - Marion Chloe Theis.


41:25

“When you reclaim your pleasure, your sexual pleasure, you reclaim your power!” - Marion Chloe Theis.


48:50                                                                                                  “I believe that we are co-creatively, rebirthing the planet, our culture and reality as we know it right now. And pleasure, sex, and power are huge components of that shifting landscape.” - Sophia Wise One.

35:45

“That very thing that we're wanting someone else to provide, is really useful information about the very thing that we are asking ourselves to provide, or to experience, or open up to, to make that possible in our own lives.” - Sophia Wise One


FULL Transcript VT 81 Marion Chloe Theis

Sat, 1/9 9:41AM • 56:01

SPEAKERS

Vagina Talks Theme Song by Sophia Wise One, Sophia Wise One, Intro, Marion Chloé Theis


Intro from Samantha Rise 00:01

I'm Samantha Rise, and welcome to Vagina Talks where we speak about to and from vaginas. This is a show of alchemy, where we turn poison into medicine, disconnection into wisdom and isolated wounds into communal peacemaking. here's your host, Sophia Wise One.


Vagina Talks Theme Song by Sophia Wise One 00:20

You already know everything I can teach you already know everything I can say we are here to remind you what you already know, you already know


Intro From Sophia Wise One 00:37

I just want to take a minute to acknowledge that vagina talks understands that gender is fluid and dynamic and goes way beyond the binary of either woman or man, she or him. And that, in fact, it's a living an evolving thing that's actually personal person to person. And that our bodies, even our understanding, or the ways that we experience them can vary. It's important for me that that's something that has space here on Vagina Talks. And at the same time, I also am carrying this understanding that womanhood and the experience of the feminine and all of the female, in the splitting of that binary, has been injured has been hurt has been dismantled. And so, I'm looking to have a space where the feminine and the female and the female body is reclaimed and respected and lifted and inspected and known, as well as a space that goes beyond the binary. And that acknowledges that these are limited constructs, mostly put upon us, and that we're in the process of evolving into something more whole and more true. Just wanted to say that some of my guests will use incredibly binary language for whatever reason from the places that they come from. And I just wanted to let you know that Vagina Talks has a much wider understanding, and it's a living one. So, feel free to chime in as we go along. Without further ado, today's episode. 





Sophia Wise One 2:13

Hello, beautiful human and welcome back to Vagina Talks. I'm really grateful that you're here with me today. I am a tender, tender mush, I am in the midst of a good cleansing. I'm have an image of a mortar and pestle. And I'm in it. And I really heard myself this morning in my in my grief and in my rage. I could literally hear cliterally, I could cliterally hear a tone that I hadn't heard before. And while I was actually screaming, the thought went through my head. Oh my gosh, this is that opening I was praying for like this is it's happening right now like this is a new tone. This is a new vibration. This is a new experience. So, I'm just in the after washes of this really kind of big opening and a really big surrendering. So I'm just like, that's where I am right now. I'm just like in this tender place. And we have a guest today that I'm really excited to share with you. I came across her I looked at her stuff and I just I just felt this was like this. She's our people. You know, we got to get her get her in here. So I want to bring her in. tell you a little bit about her. Marion Chloé Theis is a French love coach. She helps women have better sex and relationships through spiritual and kinky sex practices. After a lot of bad relationships and unsatisfying sex encounters, she decided to take the matter into her own hands and did the invisible emotional work required to reclaim her power. She gave into her BDSM tendencies and discovered a new way to be in her body. From there, she grew a new sense of confidence that has spread to all areas of life. She now helps other women access their own wisdom so they can feel more connection with themselves and others. Marion welcome.


Marion Chloé Theis 04:25

Hey, thanks for having me.


Sophia Wise One 04:28

So, grateful to have you here today. And, you know, the first question I want to start with is is is playful and sincere and so I invite you to just kind of just kind of check in and see where it goes. If you just check in with your body and you just check in with your vagina. What is it that you would like to share with us?


Marion Chloé Theis 04:52

Well, that's a good question. What's coming up strongly is, in a way of my stories, obviously unique to me, but also speaks to a lot of people because I think there are a lot of people around there, who don't really have a very great relationships or sex. And it's something we tend to ignore, because it's not easy to face. And we don't really know. Like, we don't have like a relationship at school, or like the sex school. Most people didn't go there. Right. So it's not easy to know how to navigate that, like, sex is messy. Relationships are messy, life is messy. And yet, relationship and sex are so intimate and so important. And we're not really given the tools to address that to navigate the challenges. So I think that that's what I want to talk about.


Sophia Wise One 05:54

Great. Let's go, go for it.


Marion Chloé Theis 05:59

Okay, um, do have a prompt to give me something to get them started. .


Sophia Wise One 06:05

Sure, sure. Right, right. I guess so two, two entrance points, right, is either your personal story, right? Of kind of the unsatisfying or satisfying, like, what's happening now and how you got there? Or some tools? So kind of either coming in on that personal friend or coming in on that, that tool place? And I'm curious about both, so


Marion Chloé Theis 06:37

We'll do both then. 


Sophia Wise One 06:39

Okay.


Marion Chloé Theis 06:40

Number one, my story. So I think it's like, it's always really hard for me to like, find a starting point. Because, I mean, there's a certain point when visiting enough my life, but like, I'm not going to tell the full story. It would be it would take a long time, I'm going to take a middle point. When I was around 19-20 I was, I was living in Barcelona, I was doing an a student exchange program. And I just like, my life was a mess. And yet so intense, and I learned so many things. So to give you a context, before that, were two long term relationships, my first like kind of official, you know, like, growing up ish relationship. The second one being actually very abusive, as the first one being naturally fulfilling, like, emotionally. So I was like, at this point where, like, I was just this new relationship will hurt me a lot? And like, I'm talking from my point of view, I wasn't a victim that well, you know, abuse was anyway, that's a long story. But like, I'm not saying like, I'm talking about relationships, and I'm gonna be talking about my relationships, I am not putting the blame on the other person, I just want that to be clear,


Sophia Wise One 08:07

Right, like you understand fundamentally, that it's a co-creative experience.


Marion Chloé Theis 08:10

Exactly, like self and sovereignty are really important. And obviously, there are habits that, like abusive relationship being one of them, but like, since I'm gonna be talking about my relationships, I don't want to be rude. But I do accept my risk, and sovereignty in them, you know, because I was, I was a part of them. So, I was just out of this long-term relationship. And I was in Barcelona, single, you know, I'm still on the front end, like, I just started dating around a lot and sleeping around a lot and having lots of fun. And I needed this time to kind of like, put myself back together. And it did help. And it was tremendously helpful in processing everything that had been going on, on my relationship beforehand. But then I also realized that my relationships were not more satisfying. So, like, in one-night stands, something was missing. And I think I realized more and more that there must be more to that, you know, like more than like, some one nightstand or the sex for like, the person who generally is socialized as a man, kind of do their business, and then they're done. And then tire, like, it's like the typical, like, yeah, it's like a kind of mainstream way that I want to say society depicts, you know, what sex is, in a very kind of, you know, penis in the vagina kind of thing. And I was like, “Hm, I'm not like, what about me?” and I was always very like, aware of that, but it was also very, very hard for me to ask for things. Like, in sex, it's meant not asking for what I wanted, not even knowing what I wanted. And in relationships and men in a relationship, it meant, like not actually being able to articulate my own needs, or my boundaries, or being like, actually, I want this kind of relationship with you and these are my boundaries. Like I just didn't have like the tools or like, I just didn't know what it was like a just… I was just thinking that having needs in general and feeling was like a bad thing. And if I wanted to be loved, I had to pretend to be really strong.


Sophia Wise One 10:44

Classic, yeah!





Marion Chloé Theis 10:48


Yeah and I think a lot of people, especially people who have been raised as women tend to have that of like, you have to be strong, but also not too much. Or you have to, like, you know, all the injunctions all the, you know, social standards. And obviously, not like you have to put someone else's needs before yours. 


Sophia Wise One 11:18

Oooooooh.  


Marion Chloé Theis 11:18

Is it touching a chord here?  


Sophia Wise One 11:19 

Yeah. And also, just a theme I just think so many people know that feeling. You know its definitely part of my feeling, for sure. It’s a story, a piece, of a lot of people’s. It's one of those things, that If it worked, it would work. It turns out that is doesn’t work, it it does not work the way I was lead to to believe it would work.


Marion Chloé Theis 11:48

Yeah. And I think, I don't know, I mean, I've I do know, like I have been able to like kind of look back into like, okay, so I'm having like, unsatisfying sex, obviously, I'm not getting anything like or everything I want a relationship, like, what's the problem? So, like, I looked back at, like, the common, you know, component, which would just mean actually, like, Well, you know, out of 10 crappy relationship and the, and the, you know, the one denominator. Yeah, yeah, constant. It's like, Hmm, maybe there is something about to me, maybe the other person is just not, you know, the one to blame. So, I started looking back and did a lot of, you know, work around beliefs I had on myself, or, like, you know, feeling guilty and feeling like, you know, just like I said, I had to put my, my needs last, I had to pretend they didn't have needs, I had to be like, perfect, I had to be strong showing feelings was like, not good. And then, like, I kind of went to the root of that, you know, like, originated, like, in childhood, you know, like everyone else, we all have, like, daddy and mommy issues or parents issues. Like, you know, and like, kind of doing this work of like going a bit, deeper and deeper, and like peeling back the layers. And actually focusing afterwards on like, loving myself and giving myself what I wanted. So like, that's a long story short, you know, obviously, lots of ups and downs happen in between that. 


Marion Chloé Theis 13:25

 But for the sake of the story, yeah. And I think I so in between these. So long term relationship, and my newest relationships I am in, so it started, like, a year ago. I remained single for like, seven years. And I was dating, you know, I had, like, casual hookups. I had whatever I wanted, you know, like, when I wanted more or less, as in more or less, um, but like, I wasn't, I wasn't seeing anyone long term. And I wanted to, and I got really frustrated and I got really angry. And I think it brought by like, a lot of feelings or, like, no worthiness. And am I ever gonna be able to meet you know, someone that I love that loves me back, you know, who has the same, you know, life visons that I do, who want the same thing the same kind of relationship and like, it just felt like fuck, you know? It was hard. It was really hard. And day after day, I just vowed to just showing up for myself, whatever that meant. And sometimes it would mean like yeah, maybe just crying and watching Netflix and being miserable and throwing myself a pity party because I needed to feel my feelings and some other days meant. Well, actually going on a dating app and actually, like going on dates to meet new people, right because I wanted to find like the one person I don't I don't see actually believe this concept but more because if I want to date and they need to date, you know, and right, like, doing things in a different way, and also knowing that, like, someone was out there that was going to happen. 



Marion Chloé Theis 15:19

But meanwhile, you know, like, being really happy with myself and making space in my life for this to happen for us and for sex, you know, for good sex searching was myself, so like, having good sex with myself, and having dates with myself. And I knew that the first time I heard about that felt like, like, a bit weird, like, kind of picturing a 40-50 years old. Like person, like being alone in a restaurant, like actually I had of a lot of fun eating alone in the restaurant because, like, I don't have to share my meal. I don't have to talk while I'm eating. You know, like, it's a lot of things like, trying different experiences, and, and really focusing on myself and, and being okay with myself and, and loving myself and, you know, in small and big ways, and we can, you know, go more into detail, you know, on that afterwards. But yeah, in a nutshell, that's it. And then, about a year ago, more than a year ago, after like, yet another kind of relationship that didn't work out. And I just, I was just like so pissed, I just, I was just pacing in my room, I was in Bali at the time, I was just, I was just pacing back and forth. And I was just like, angry and like talking to the universe and crying and, and kind of getting all my feelings out and then I ended up.


Marion Chloé Theis 16:49

Like, just giving myself a pep talk. And I taught I remember, I told myself like, yeah, I'm gonna meet someone, you know, who, I am attracted to who I feel on the same page, you know, emotionally as well, you know, like, kind of detailing all of that and then adding like, Oh, yeah, and someone was into kink as in, like, BDSM sex because it had been someone, I've always kind of been attracted to, for as long as I remember. Like, from like puberty, but like, I never really kind of, like, took the leap. But I realized, like, I had been realizing, you know, doing all of this work and like figuring out what I liked and sex and relationship and everything. That this was, it was really, really important to me. And I didn't really know like how it could happen, because like, I wasn't hanging out in like, kink communities, because it felt really scary, still, a lot of that. But like, anyway, I just finished my pep talk with kind of all these criteria and the final things was like someone was into kink? like kind of all these criteria and added like city fathers went off like and someone was looking. And like I kid you not three days later I met my current partner in the alley, just like in the most random and magical way ever, I just sat next to him in a restaurant. And that is it and we just started chatting. And then the next day I went on a date and they didn't think it was a date. Turns out it was a date. 


Marion Chloé Theis 18:20

And then he offered to tie me up as in like doing some shibari. So, I don't know if you're familiar with Chavez, some ancient Japanese bondage arts. And now it's kind of been used and reclaimed in the erotic. Like context and BDSM communities. And he had just gotten back from Japan from doing like a course on that. And we're just talking about BDSM, and, you know, like asking me like what I do. And I went like well, not a lot because you know, there's a difference between like, wanting something and taking a leap. And you know like, I could really feel I think we could whisper words, really feel where the conversation was going, and then he was just like, Well, I can tell you up your want on and I like, Okay. And then we met again, and it's just and it was, it was really amazing. Because there is a lot of communication. In BDSM, in general and in kinky sex. There was a lot of talking about what's going to happen so like, it felt safe. There is a lot of like concrete safety as in like, we can stop whenever you want. We have safe words. It's like, Oh, it felt really, really safe. And the weirdest thing really was that it wasn't weird. I kept thinking like, what would my mom think if she knew that? I was like in a hotel room in Bali being tied up by someone I met like 48 hours ago. Yeah, but it was great. Like it was great. Yeah. And then we ended up spending the weekend together and then traveling together. And then yeah, we now live together. So, yeah.


Sophia Wise One 20:13

That's an amazingly beautiful story, really! 


Marion Chloé Theis 20:16

Yeah, it is, It is. It is a really good story. And I think like, hearing it when I was like, single and looking for love. There was a moment where I was really bitter. You know, like, really like, looking at all the couple and being like, ooh, like, why do they have that? And why don't I have it? You know, like this jealousy? Which was a reflection of, you know, I don't know, I don't know what it was a reflection of like, probably the fact that I knew was possible for me, or maybe I knew it wasn't possible for me, I thought, you know, different. But yeah there was a lot of steps along the way. And I also don't want to sound like it's like, you know, like fairy tale story of like,


Sophia Wise One 21:15

Yeah, tell. Right. Tell us! So now you live together. And there's a whole other level of relating and navigating and communicating and, and what feels safe and what doesn't feel safe. You talk about that, like maybe what's alive, in that like this phase, right? So there's this like, this glory, with one of the things that I heard in your story, it was this moment of deep clarity, giving yourself permission, getting really specific, kind of stepping into that for yourself, and then literally stepping into it, like stepping into that life. So I'm wondering where you are now, kind of navigating that deeper level sustained intimacy does different things than the freedom of like new intimacy?


Marion Chloé Theis 22:04

Yeah, yeah, definitely. And even like, at the beginning, like, I remember, you know, I wanted that for so long. And then when I had it, it took me like, it took me some months to be comfortable, like, because you can do as much work as you want. On yourself, If it's, if it's if you have some, like challenges, emotional, you know, challenges, around relationships, they're going to be held in the context of a relationship, not on your own. Because, like, on your own, you do more lines of theory and the things like you don't, you know, it's triggered or talents as easily as you can be by a new partner, for example. Versus the first ones were actually quite so beautiful. And were like, amazing. And yet, for me, they were also emotionally quite hard, because it wasn't that easy for me to like, let myself be happy. And I didn't know like, I wasn't feeling extremely safe, which had nothing to do with my partner, but like more to do about me and like how it turned out before you know, because our brain loves to criticize is best based on the past.


Sophia Wise One 23:14

Yeah. 


Marion Chloé Theis 23:15

Saying like, no, it's gonna it's gonna be the same in the future. So yeah, the first few months were a bit like, bit, yeah. A bit hard and life changing also, because I was traveling, I had been trying to traveling like around the world for like two or three years before. And then I moved in with him, like, two, three months after we met. And I've been living, you know, there in the UK ever since. And it's been grandiose, you know, it's amazing. But it also means like, settling down. I live in the countryside. Now, I don't know if you can hear the birds outside. It's been like a radical life change, which has been difficult. And yet, like I wouldn't, I wouldn't change for the world. So now, I'm, like, I'm so glad every day that I'm in this relationship. It has this challenges, because for example, we've discovered that we have very different political views. And yeah!


Sophia Wise One 24:26

Oh, yeah!


Marion Chloé Theis 24:27

Yeah, I know. Or just ways of communicating. We have very different ways of communicating he has a more practical, logical, like, don't worry, like, let's fix the problem. And I have a more I have this aspect as well. But my emotions are really important. I, I feel like I'm more in touch with my emotions. Or maybe I just have more. But like being able to Like expressing them knowing but you know, where I come from, it's, you know, approached me the little child in me, still feels like expressing my feelings is very, very dangerous. And I've worked on that, and I'm still working on that. Yeah, so like finding ways to communicate together, finding ways to argue as well, because arguing is healthy. But then, like this, like we kind of figured out like, a way to argue, in which like, we don't yell and like, we don't go absolutely crazy. But like we, like, I know that when we argue, sometimes, it's just too much, I just leave the room. And I know that it's actually useful for him, because he also needs space to process his, feelings, and then I usually come back and we're talking about, so like, kind of having a routine and like, because when everything’s well, it's obviously easy or easier. But then when something goes wrong, you need to still be able to communicate, and you need to remember that you're still on the same team. And that's something that I keep telling to people I work with. But it's also something I've had to like, learn and then something that I keep learning, like, every time we have a disagreement, or I feel like he's done something that, you know, like hurt my feelings.


Marion Chloé Theis 26:28

Being able to be like, well, it's not him against me, is probably not done that on purpose. Because remember, he loves you, and you're in a relationship together. But if there's a problem, let's be like you and me against the problem, not you against me, you know, like kind of all of the shifts that happened. So there is definitely a lot of healing going on in this relationship. There's healing going on in a lot of relationships. Even if it doesn't feel like it, because sometimes just like bringing older crap and the limiting beliefs and you know, the things that needs to things that need to be held back to the surface of the can be cleared. But yeah, it's like, as you said, it's a living thing. So it needs, it needs some fuel, and in some communication, it needs a shared vision, it needs adapting all the time, in its freedom as well in its connection. And I know that for a lot of people who have been, you know, confined together, all those things can be really, really hard. Because if you don't like most, I want to say like most couples, or people in a relationship don't spend that much time together or didn't pre confinement. So like suddenly being at home, like 24/7, with your partner of or one of your partners, maybe with kids is like how do you how do you deal with like being together all the time? Like, everything's like everyone's really tense, you don't have your own space? Like, what do you even say to each other, you know, 


Marion Chloé Theis 29:08

after a couple of days. So yeah, that's definitely like I consider myself for like you because ever since I moved here, we'd be like spending most of our time together. So like, I'll work from home. He works on the home he is like, building the house. We don't spend like, all day together, but like we're together and most of the time, and we're really comfortable with that. And and I think it's really important to be able to like figure out what kind of. Like, what are your needs really? Like? Do you want to be like, all the time with someone? Or like how often do you need to be alone? How often do you need to see your friends, you know, I kind of all of this. Like things that we don't really think about but like living with someone is actually is like super like it from you know, It goes from like, seeing someone dating someone and seeing them like a specific occasion. Or like, every time you see this person being a specific occasion to like being like enclosed quite literally into like a space. And, like seeing this person being like ordinary you know, and there is a lot of fears around that. And I certainly had a lot of fears around that. And I think I still have because our relationship is quite new still like it's been a year or something. And yet that's also I believe how you build some deep love, you know, realizing that even though you've seen this person, brush their teeth, I don't know 370,000 times like you still want to be with them, you know, and you've cultivated and you've grown something, you've grown a relationship, which is you and the other person, and maybe you know, more people. So it's like, it's like this two separate people. And also this relationship with this kind of a living thing or container that's bigger than you that you need to feed that you need to, you know, like, work on sometimes that you need to take a step from. There's a lot of things going on.


Sophia Wise One 30:43

Yeah, the interplay between how much do I get involved? And how much do I let someone and live their own life is such an interesting thing to navigate just in conversation when you're dating, right, like sitting over across a table or across a drink or whatever, having this notion. And then the, and then living together, right? are then deciding if you live together, how much you live together, how you live together, this all of that navigation of a, what's my life that I'm making choices? From? What am I clear on one thing? And then what does this other you know, this other person navigating that?


Marion Chloé Theis 31:23

Yeah, definitely. And I think that's, you know, like, for, for a long time living together has been seen as like, a step into relationship, it's like your date, you live together, and you get engaged and get married, and you have the kids, you know, it's kind of a linear, kind of gratefully accepted. And I think it's trending now I think a lot of people are realizing that actually living together with someone isn't maybe isn't what they want. And we'll want to do things differently. And one of the reasons one might want to do that is to actually keep this kind of, you know, spark life, we talk about, like sexual attraction and dysphoric. And when you live with someone, you see, yeah, you see different parts of them. But also, like, sexual attraction that you have to someone originates from this space that there is between you. And when you live together, this space, let it be physical or emotional or spiritual, like anything actually goes. Like, it becomes like smaller and smaller, so you become more like the other person. Because you have, you know, a set routine that you share, because you have, you know, like, maybe you watch the same the TV show like, which is alright, obviously, it's a part component of deepening your relationship. But it also mean, also means that you're losing a bit of this thing that made you, you. And, and the distance that made like everything so intense, and so hot at first, is just like, not the same. So it's also very important to take a step back and realize that you're someone outside of the relationship, and your partner or your partners or someone outside of their relationship, this relationship. And that what made you attracted to send in the first place was the fact that they were like, full human beings, not like a unit of a relationship.


Sophia Wise One 33:29

Mm hmm, that's great. 


Marion Chloé Theis 33:32

Thank you. I think it's really it's really important to think about that because of course, of course, you're going to change of course your partner is going to change and, of course, you're going to grow together but you also need your space, become yourself and to develop yourself as a human being right, not only to keep the flame, you know, like but also because, I mean, you're here for a you. I do believe in past life, I do believe in like, like, I do believe that, you know, my partner, and I were like together in the past life and something happened. So I do believe in that. And I do believe it's really important, you know, on a spiritual level for us to have met again and differently on an emotional life, you know, I love him, is really important to me. And yet, we joked about it one time, you know, like you would be like, you know, who was the most important and then be like me, I'm the most important and be like, but I'm a close number two, right? Like, yes, of course. Because it's like, I'm like, it's the best relationship I've ever been in. And yet I'm still the most important person in my world because, because that's my life. You know. And I think it's, you know, we're talking about mentioning your power before and I think that's such a part of it. And I'm not saying that if tomorrow things ended, I wouldn't be looking devastated because I would, it would be like a blow. But like, as long as I know that he made the decision for me or rather, because you know, maybe we didn't make the same decision that's possible, I would always know no matter what they have my back, you know, a partner brings you can bring you a lot of things can bring you your comfort, affection, you know, sex, emotional fulfillment, but like, you have to be able, I believe, to bring these things to yourself, first and foremost.


Sophia Wise One 35:45

Yeah, as much as parts of myself have fought that, at times, it has consistently been true in my life, my experience, and my witnessing, for sure that the very thing that we're wanting someone else to provide, is really useful information about the very thing that we are asking ourselves to provide or to experience or open up to, to make make possible in our own lives.


Marion Chloé Theis 36:12

Definitely, I agree 100%. I often describe relationship as relationships as mirror, so like, in the first phase of the relationship which you like in your partner, or in someone else, is actually qualities of yourself that you like, for example, if you think like, Oh, this person's really smart, really funny, you actually, it's actually your own cleverness that mirrored you, and that's great, you know, and then after the honeymoon period, you know, which can be like 3,6,8 months, you start seeing, like, the not so good aspects of the other person of like, ohh like, he's really stubborn. And then it's like, an invitation to look at my own stubbornness, because I am stubborn after all, you know? So it's always reflecting what you need to see at the moment. And asking you to do some work, you know, not some work. Like? Yeah, to like to grow. Because that's the only constant, you know, like to squaring.


Sophia Wise One 37:20

Beautiful! It's true. It's really true. Do you have any good like juicy self pleasuring? Are you do you do? Are you kinky in your own self pleasuring, or just in your relating?


Marion Chloé Theis 37:35

Just when I'm relating with other people, for now. Because it is a bit more.. Well, one, one of them, which is more accessible is called edging. I don't know if you've heard of that.


Sophia Wise One 37:50

Yeah. Tell us about it. I'm familiar with it. But tell the people


Marion Chloé Theis 37:56

Edging is when you are about to cum to have an orgasm, to stop what you're doing to delay the orgasm. So the orgasm will be bigger. So basically, if you're touching yourself, and you feel like you're going to cum just stopping, and maybe touching yourself, you know, elsewhere, and like letting kind of the energies to turning back in then starting again, and doing that for like, as many times as humanly possible. And, and the more you do that, the more Yeah, your orgasm is big. And I like this practice, because it's something you can do by yourself. It's something you can do with a partner. So like, a partner can touch you to the point of always making you cum, and then stopping. And it's very frustrating, but that's part of the deal. And I think it's yeah, it goes into like this kind of power dynamic or stuff, like I decide when you come, which to me is a turn on. But obviously, my pleasure is mine, and it took responsibility for it. And once more the great thing that there is about a kink and BDSM is that everything is talked about. Consent is like the number one thing to be aware of. And it's a very safe place. So like I knew that if a partner like is playing around with me and doing some edging. It's because he knows that I’m going I like it, because we've talked about it, you know, so it's like a great way to actually get what you want because you've talked about it. 


Sophia Wise One 39:54

I really I really love the edging practice that I with like partners that I've done that I've really, really enjoyed is actually very self oriented, like meaning, as opposed to having the partner decide, like how much I'm edging, like, while we're doing it and me being like, I want to edge, like, I want to wait, I want to wait. And the same thing with my partner. So kind of having them hold, hold that but still kind of doing the practice or being in a space together and navigating that like in real time, too. So, all like all of them, right, like letting those those those choices be made by all parties in different ways. Well, I have just really enjoyed your sharing and your insight, it feels really integrated and kind and I just keep thinking about this kind of study in self that you did these, like seven years of being single of holding yourself and digging deep and getting clearer and clearer about what you want. And then this like deep, you know, moment, this deep clarity moment, and then having the courage to say yes to to say yes to it over and over and over again. And say yes to yourself, right? Say yes to your life, and say yes to yourself. So it's, it's there's a lot in there. Do you have anything else that you want to share before we move to our closing questions?



Marion Chloé Theis 41:25

Yeah, about. So we talked about like, BDSM and kink. And there is something that I would have liked to know. Before, which is from the outside in, to me, BDSM and kink looks like very kind of demeaning. And while it's taboo, like definitely taboo, but kind of what other people are going to think about and like, it's bad. And I've actually, to this day, like, having fun, like, like a safer way to actually express my sexuality. And I'm not saying this is the only way like, that's, that's the way it came up, you know, for me, but like talking about what you want, is like, fucking important. Like, I can't, I can't stress that enough, knowing what you wants is really important. And to me, it's really helped me BDSM like, learning what I wanted, and also accepting the desires. So when you are able to look at, you know, someone else in the eye and being like, Yes, I want that, or no, I don't want that. And being okay with that, accepting your deepest, you know, probably like scariest desires. I mean, there is so much power coming from that, and when you reclaim your pleasure, your sexual pleasure, pleasure, you Reclaim Your power, and you're able to be like, if I if I could be, like, tied up in a room in Bali, by someone and I felt safe, like, I can definitely go on a podcast interview, you know, like, those things are not related. But you know, it's like, kind of being like, a rock, like I am evolved to, like, face my deepest desires, the things that society has taught me, I shouldn't have, because, you know, like, society has been repressed, repressing sex, especially for people who have been raised as, as women for like, centuries. And here I am sending and being like, I love kinky sex, you know, like, how much power in there, like, in that, and so, like, thank you. And then like, everyone, you know, saying that, and, to me, it's like, a matter of taking massive power. Um, you know, for like, people will consider themselves as women. But also for like, all to others and people who don't, you know, like, who are gender fluid. Because there's also a lot of stress that's usually put into people were perceived as men, and to like performance of sex, and like, wanting to have sex all the time. And, you know, like, all of these things, and it's like, if all of us could actually, like, have a five minutes chat either before ideally or like after we have sex, talking about like, what we like and what we won't and what's okay and what's not okay. And like how to get each other off. That would be amazing. They would have like, such better sex lives, and I think everyone would be more at peace with themselves.


Sophia Wise One 44:53

Yeah, I love it. I highly recommend the five-minute talk before or the like two hours talk before. Whatever you need. Then that that's like the it's like the talk before and the talk after like this and the end the talk during, right? Yeah. But the like after the fact of being like, cool, like, I thought I would like that did I like it? I liked it in the moment. Do I like it that like, is it how is it settling in my body? I think that's something that a lot of people that are sensitive, and kind of a feminine aspect can be this the rippling, right. So sometimes something feels good in a moment. But then as we sit with it, especially like, like the womb energy as it kind of kind of settles in us. Is it something that we want to do again, you know, like that's, that's its own kind of distilment that's not a problem about whether something should or should not have happened in the past, but an exploration of kind of continuing growth or cultivation of what you want moving forward?


Marion Chloé Theis 45:54

Yeah, and in BDSM, some like specifically in like, domination and submissive dynamics, you call that the sub space, or like, sub drops, after, after you've had like, a scene of BDSM. And like, things are down and maybe you have like impact play, or you have like, you know whatever happened you always you should always have like aftercare, which is like, you know, it can be it can be innocent, from cuddling, to watching a movie to like, I don't know, putting some music or something like agreed upon, you know, with you and your partner. And I think that's actually awesome. It's like, it's kind of it has a specific name in BDSM. And yet I feel like, everybody would benefit from that with the equivalent of like, sex with someone and having some cuddles, which is personally what I like. And that's what mainly like, depicted but it's, it's yeah, I mean, you've just connected with someone in a very intimate way, you know, and it's, it's fun, because you, like, have some more tenderness to one another for like, 10 minutes, or even like 10 hours that you're gonna end up committed to the relationship that you don't want. Like, it just, like I just want to say grew up in a way like, it's, it's, it's fun, because you have sex with someone that you have feelings. And I think a lot of people have, like, kind of integrated that. But like, it's fun, because you are showing affection or feelings to someone like as in like, I enjoy my time to make our time together. So that you like want to end up like with them. And then its done you know, like, now your committed like, there are no rules and I think, yeah, add some tenderness it's really important.


Sophia Wise One 47:41

Tenderness. Yeah, yeah. And having the courage to rewrite the rules for yourself and for your life together independently. Communally, right, all of it with your finances. Like there's no, we talked about reclaiming your pleasure and reclaiming your power and confidence, right that in our lives, like how it moves kind of in, moves forward and often ends up touching all of those things.


Marion Chloé Theis 48:10

Yeah, yeah definitely.


Sophia Wise One 48:12

Well, Marion, I want to thank you so much for coming on. My second to last question is, where do you like, people to find you? How do you like to connect with people who are who want to hear more from you and want to be connected with you?


Marion Chloé Theis 48:32

I think so would be like couple of ways. So Instagram is one of them. Can find me at my @MarionChloeTheis like, just my name. And then my website as well -marionchloetheis.com. I do have at the moment a masterclass on reclaiming your inner powers for kink, which is free when you subscribe to my newsletter. I'm going to change it soon though , I'll have something else. And yeah, you can learn more about like, the work I do. Follow me on all of the social media as well. I'm really I'm really digging Pinterest at the moment. Like I'm a really visual person. And yeah, I'm also starting a podcast soon, podcast of my own, which is called sexy secrets. And it's everything from like relationships, magic to tantra, to kink, to how to feel sexy and comfortable in your body. I'm really excited about that. I don't know if it's gonna be aired when you do airs this episode, but yeah, my website, is a good hub for for knowing what’s going on.


Sophia Wise One 49:45

Beautiful, awesome. Thank you so much.


Marion Chloé Theis 49:48

Thank you. Yeah.


Sophia Wise One 49:50

So we didn't really get into the spiritual practice stuff, the Tantra stuff. And, yet, I have a feeling this this next question, will. Well, I'll lay it for you here, which is, I believe that we are co-creatively rebirthing the planet, our culture, reality as we know it right now. You with me?


Marion Chloé Theis 50:16

Yes.


Sophia Wise One 50:18

Yes, here we are. And pleasure and sex and power are huge components of that shifting landscape for sure. Both how we do it and what it will look like, I think my question for you is if you take a moment to drop in to that visionary, deep seeing place in you, and if you think about us being on a bridge, or traveling through a tunnel, and coming out on the other side, and that other side is that new Earth new, new reality, new place where we are, I want you to look around feel into that and and share with us like dream weave a piece of that world that reality. It can be anything. What do you see? What do you know about where we're going?


Marion Chloé Theis 51:11

Um it's interesting, because I dreamt about, like, I had the word bridge come to me a couple of days ago, very strongly. I'm seeing lots of green spaces. I'm seeing like, there are still cities, but like, I'm seeing like kind of a forest or a park. And people are laying in the grass naked. And it's not weird, because we all have bodies. And, and it's just, it's just feels like really beautiful. Just people doing their own thing. And just enjoying their body not being ashamed of their body. And having a really honest conversation around like what they want of being like, you know, let's be like, I want a cheese sandwich and not a ham sandwich or like, No, no, like, I want that in sex when we have sex I want you to spank me really hard. Just people knowing themselves enough, and being comfortable themselves enough to be able to ask for what they want and getting it. In like the most easy and graceful way possible and naked.


Sophia Wise One 52:23

 love it, beautiful. I'm there naked in the park. I'm asking, for what I want. I'm loving what you're getting for you. And they're beautiful. Well, thank you so so very much for your presence, your courage, your kindness, your service to people I encourage you to go and just check out her site, go look around and just kind of see there's so much integrity. And there's so much kindness, kind of woven through your work. So I really invite people to go and continue to look more at that. Darlings, I want to thank you for just being here with me, listening to the show. And as always, I love to hear from you. If there's something that you loved about this show, go ahead and take a screenshot, or, you know, wherever you're listening, make a post tag me, there's a question that you have for Marion or a question you have for me something you want to hear about on this show. All the things, let me know. I am excited to have the Vagina Talks back in the running back in the world. And I'm excited to be with you. So I started out really tender, I still feel tender. And I feel nourished by our time together here. So I thank you and I wish you great pleasure, great confidence, great peace in the process of coming in to yourself. Take care. 


Samantha Rise 53:57

Thank you so much for listening. 


Sophia Wise One 53:58

Thank you so much. And thank you, Sam. 


Samantha Rise 54:01

Thank you Sophia.


Sophia Wise One 54:05

Remember everything that we talked about in today's episode will be in the show notes. So go there for links. For more content that you're going to love. Subscribe, Subscribe, subscribe to this podcast. share this episode with anybody you think you'll enjoy it and share the love with rate or review wherever you listen. And to find out about all the mad adventures I'm up to check me out on Instagram at @SophiaWiseOne. Or come to my website at sophiawiseone.com. You can subscribe to this mailing list by texting Vtalks at (668-66) I am Sophia Wise One daughter of the wind. I am calling you to rise up, rise up, rise up. Rise up and take your place. Thank you gorgeous! I am thrilled and grateful for your support listening to this podcast. I want to invite you to come check out the Patreon. If you think this podcast is the biggest news and you're grateful that it exists. I want you to know I'm grateful that you exist. Come join the Patreon I call it the temple. We are healing we are musicking we are podcasting. We are together. Come check it out. You can find it through Patreon. backslash Sophia Wise One or through my website, SophiaWiseOne.com.


Samantha Rise 55:42

 Y'all, know you need to hear that though. You know, if you don't know, now you know.


Sophia Wise One 55:46

If you don't know. 


Samantha Rise 55:48

Okay, y'all


Sophia Wise One 55:48

Yo, I'm so excited about Vagina Talks right now!


Samantha Rise 55:52

Don't pretend like you don't know this is the best podcast you've ever listened to. Don't pretend like you don't know! You know!

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About the Podcast

Vagina Talks
Celebrating the truth of who we are and clearing the pain, shame, and guilt out of the root. (Previously was Medicine Caller)
Vagina Talks with Sophia Wise One is a podcast where embodied world-changing powerhouses and I turn poison into medicine through the alchemical journey of dismantling the lies we’ve been told about who we are, what we are, what we are supposed to be and do, and what we’ve been doing so that we can remember the truth, share the truth, and eventually become the truth. 

#CompostingThePatriarchy through all the arts: ceremony, music, body reclamation, visual and sculptural art, liberatory pedagogy and education, plant wisdom, sexual re-education, alchemy, trauma recovery, and subtle vibrational field augmentation, to name a few.

It’s a landscape of enjoying our own and each other's personal power. Here, we collectively cocreate a planetary culture that is caring, restorative, generative, optimizing, and kind.
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About your host

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Sophia Wise One

Podcast Host and Executive producer. Speaker, Mentor, Singer, Poet, Creator, Medicine Caller, author, dreamer, pray prayer, lover of life,